• 2010 Reading List

    What I've read this year:

    "The Other Queen" by Phillipa Gregory (Rating: C)

    "The Welsh Girl" by Peter Ho Davies (Rating: A)

    "Mistress of the Sun" by Sandra Gulland (Rating: A)

Birthday blues & Jane Austen

Whew – I am exhausted. This weekend was busy and tiring, and I am enjoying a day of recovery. Yesterday was the Peanut’s 5th birthday party, and we had it at our house. We kept it small, family only, but the day was still stressful.

August 2009 030

It was a good party, but for some reason I’m feeling physically, mentally and emotionally drained today. As most of you know, we are a blended family. Seth is my step-son (oh, how I abhor that word), but I have been actively involved in his life since he was born. There is no “step” to me – he just is my son; I just happen to share mothering duties with his birth mother.

The annual birthday party is always an interesting event, surrounded by anxiety and nerves for me. This is the one time per year that we gather all members of our extended families. Seth loves it, and I know that this is the best thing for him, but it is very difficult for me to deal with, and this year was tougher than years past. I feel very much under a microscope, and that scrutiny is difficult to deal with.  There are just many different personalities, with extremely varying styles of parenting, and it can make for an interesting couple of hours. But, we all know that this is all about Seth, put our best face forward, and just focus on him. Luckily, two of our closest friends were there as well, and they were great about offering me support and reassurance throughout the party, and helping de-stress afterwards. I am still having a hard time grasping that he is turning 5, though…I’m not sure I’m ready for him to grow up!

August 2009 015

I know that he had a blast yesterday, and I love watching that and experiencing it with him. But, I just can’t shake this funk today. It is tough being his mom, but not being his mom. Most days, it isn’t even on my radar. We are just living life, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to know him, and hopefully mold him into the incredible man that he promises to become some day. Yesterday just wasn’t one of those days. Instead, I found myself feeling a big spotlight shining on the fact that I am the “step mother,” and it is hard to shake it off and move on.

So, I’m stopping my emotional babbling  here, heading downstairs, popping in “Pride & Prejudice” (the A&E version, not the 2005 version with Keira Knightly – I can’t stand that one – it is a very important distinction) and eating leftover cake…Jane Austen & dark chocolate have a magical way of making everything seem okay, don’t they?

August 2009 007

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